i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
