do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
