My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
