You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
