he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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