Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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