If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
