i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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