Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
