i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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