never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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