marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
