On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
