I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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