You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I look better un-naked...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
