I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize