I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
