i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize