went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Two words: nipple clamps
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