Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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