guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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