We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
