dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
