saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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