Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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