I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
