Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize