Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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