I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
