I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize