You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
