If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
