i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
