Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
