i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hippo gnu deer
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
