I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
