Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Pooping to opera.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
