I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
