why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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