Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
