At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
