it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
