Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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