i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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