now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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