My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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