so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
