Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize