fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
