can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
