He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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