dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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