How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
