So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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