I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
