I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
