I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
me + whiskey = a bad person
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
