Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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