White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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