apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
