Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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