why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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