Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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