i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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