Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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