i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
