We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
