Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
