u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
